Gift Registries After Divorce Offer A New Way To Support Loved Ones

NEW YORK — Monogrammed towels. A toothbrush holder for four, not three. The bedding was shared. For people trying to rebuild their lives after divorce, everyday home items can serve as unpleasant reminders of their marriage.

The absence of belongings left behind by the ex-spouse can sometimes make things tough.

Olivia Howell understands how it feels because she divorced in 2019 after eight years of marriage and two children. Her spouse left with his belongings, and she gave other items that evoked unpleasant recollections to a thrift store.

“What was left in the house was almost nothing,” she stated.

Howell then got busy restocking and trying to improve the experience for others through Fresh Start. It’s a gift registry designed exclusively for rebuilding after divorce, complete with vetted experts and other resources.

Divorce registries, divorce parties, and formal divorce announcements similar to wedding and marriage news are all part of a tendency to reduce the stigma associated with failed marriages.

Howell founded Fresh Starts with her sister, Jenny Dreizen, who was in a similar predicament following the termination of a long-term relationship. Nearly three years after its inception, it remains a unique support resource, providing divorce-specific registries for individuals starting anew and loved ones who may struggle to find the right words and ways to reach out.

“I thought I already had a baby register and a wedding registry. This is when I need stuff to replenish my life. I need community support. I need new towels. “I need new sheets and utensils,” the 39-year-old Howell explained.

Divorce | PixaBay Image

Gift Registries After Divorce Offer A New Way To Support Loved Ones

Today, Fresh Starts receives between 50,000 and 70,000 monthly visits. The sisters also broadcast a podcast called “A Fresh Story,” in which guests share how they started over after divorce or dealt with other major life upheavals.

Erin Eloise Tulberg, a Brooklyn-based yoga instructor, performer, and dancer, has failed to finalize her divorce while negotiating custody arrangements for her nine-year-old son. She began using Fresh Starts last summer on a friend’s recommendation.

“I had an instant need to obtain my residence. I was moving into a property with nothing. I had no furniture. I didn’t have any utensils. Tulberg, 37, stated, “I had my clothes and books.”

She admitted that the circumstance was “kind of scary.” Despite her origins in Washington, her closest family and friends are spread around the country.

“It was a great way to have my friends rally behind me,” Tulberg said about her register.

Flowers, bottles of wine, and a pile of “I’m sorrys” or “congratulations,” depending on the situation, are frequently used to convey divorce news. According to Howell, those wanting to help their friends or relatives rarely consider the need for a lamp or new sheets.

They may also be unaware of the emotional influence that seemingly little objects can have. Leslie Jamison, a Brooklyn novelist and essayist whose recent book, “Splinters,” is a personal investigation of her divorce, believes that new home products can unite communities and serve as totems, a sort of rebirth.

“Part of it is a kind of faith and hope and trust that a new version of one’s life, household, family not only is possible but can be filled with beauty,” she stated.

Howell, who was among the first of her friends to divorce, had loved ones who checked in on her every day to ensure she was eating and resting properly. They sent Mother’s Day gifts shortly after her separation to coincide with the celebration. They also reassured her with standing offers to help in any manner.

However, there was a lot they didn’t instantly comprehend.

“Every time I went into the bathroom, I felt terrible because I saw a toothbrush holder for the life I imagined I’d have. It made me feel so much shame, guilt, and all of the other emotions that come with divorce,” Howell explained.

One day, her sister arrived with a fresh one, specifically for three.

Divorce | Pixa Bay Image

Gift Registries After Divorce Offer A New Way To Support Loved Ones

“I still get emotional talking about it because it seemed like, OK, this is happening. “I am going to be fine,” Howell remarked.

Tulberg and her son had matching beds. They share a studio apartment.

“Suddenly, I had things from all of my friends that are real and tangible and not ephemeral,” she stated. “When I look at my plates, I know who they came from. My friends say it feels fantastic to be able to give us something substantial and real.”

Many shop registers can be set up for various purposes, including divorce.

Fresh Starts uses Amazon. It suggests packages of things priced between $99 and $500. Shower curtains, can openers, bedside clocks, and humidifiers are necessities for the bedroom, kitchen, home office, and bathroom. The site also organizes bundles by room, such as child-size hangers and a night light that casts stars into a child’s room.

Recipients might list a bundle of goods or select particular items from it. They can also choose anything else from Amazon. It is not always easy to reach the emotional point where someone who has just separated can seek this type of tangible assistance.

“It’s about meeting people where they are,” Howell explained.

Divorce conversations can be awkward. Fresh Starts includes text prompts on how to introduce a registry to loved ones and suggestions for what friends and family can say.

Howell refers to divorce registries as “support registries” rather than “gift registries.” Some of her users build registries for various reasons.

Only some people agree with the idea. Howell receives numerous negative comments.

“Some individuals are highly against it because they believe divorce should not be celebrated. We’re suggesting that divorce is a brave decision that should be respected and supported,” she explained.

Divorce | PIxabay Image

Gift Registries After Divorce Offer A New Way To Support Loved Ones

Angela Ashurst-McGee, 52, divorced in March after 32 years of marriage and six children. She and her husband took turns picking out what they wanted in their 3,000-square-foot home approximately an hour south of Salt Lake City. She, too, learned about registries through a friend.

“So it was like, I wanted the sofa in the living room, the sofa in the sunroom, and the hedge trimmer. “I want the drill down to the waffle maker,” she stated. “Just practically, I needed to replace a few things. And I felt that this was a significant life event we should all celebrate together.”

One of her sisters created her register on Amazon without utilizing Fresh Starts. Ashurst-McGee’s necessities included a few fun items, such as twinkle lights for her outdoor patio.

“Everyone who contacted me remarked, ‘I believe this is a terrific idea,’ or that they had proposed it to others they knew. It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is getting divorced other than, “Bummer.” So it was something practical that people could do,” she explained.

She described the situation as concrete and good.

“I think one fear people have in regards to taking sides,” she stated. “You can accomplish this without taking sides. It is forward-looking. It does not denigrate the other person. It is not assigning blame to anyone. It’s just practical assistance.

SOURCE – (AP)